...there are 71 reasons to realize when you have been in hong kong / china for too long. hey, many things in this city / country are strange, but after a certain time you simply get used to them. if you have been in hong kong / china before you might recognize some or even all of these reasons. anyways, enjoy a good laugh and don't take it too serious.

take me home [click here]

 

1) You have paid enough rent to buy a moderate-sized European town.

2) Most conversations with your friends involve mobile phones.

3) None of the sea-front buildings existed when you arrived.

4) The shoreline itself shifted by half a mile.

5) All your friends are now living in Zurich, Tokyo or Shanghai.

06) You can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.

07) You got really excited when Starbucks opened their first outlet in Hong Kong.
08) At the movies, you take bets on the number of phones that go off during the performance.
09) The funniest jokes revolve around your stockbroker.
10) You developed an acquired taste for mooncakes.
11) In a crowd or a queue, you learnt to stay away from frail-looking old ladies carrying umbrellas.
12) You seriously considered taking up golf.
13) You have a Mont Blanc pen clipped to your shirt pocket.
14) You have stopped noticing the grotesquely deformed leper on the Exchange Square flyover.
15) A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.
16) Your building's security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.
17) You have become a shameless name-dropper.
18) You feel a compulsion to take exams.
19) All you need is Louis Vuitton.
20) 165 decibels is a normal noise level for lunchtime conversation.
21) It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
22) Thanks to karaoke, you know who has the most singing talent in your building. Not that this is a great achievement.
23) You believe that pressing the lift button a thousand times will make it move faster.
24) The ultimate status symbol is a lawn-mower.
25) You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
26) You will never ever EVER buy Miracle Foot Repair.
27) You learnt to recognise Andy Lau, Leon Lai, Aaron Kwok and Jacky Cheung.
28) You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
29) Pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.
30) Your colleagues eat sun-dried cuttlefish coated in sugar and you don't bat an eyelid.
31) You actually purchased a canto-pop CD.
32) You actually played it several times.
33) You believe shopping and eating are the only forms of entertainment in Hong Kong.
34) Queuing in the rain in a diesel-choked Kowloon backstreet to buy a HK$6 Hello Kitty plastic doll at a McDonald's store is not the mark of an insane person.
35) You believe Li Ka-shing is a saint.
36) You test your seafood for mercury, hepatitis B and cholera.
37) You have attended at least 4 weddings and a funeral in a language you don't understand at all.
38) A PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 7 languages irons your socks for a pittance but she is from the Philippines so it's all right.
39) All the clothes you own are tailor-made or come from Giordano.
40) You are not surprised to see your tap water run dark brown.
41) Drilling on the walls in the wee small hours in the morning is considered acceptable behaviour.
42) If it's Friday, it must be Typhoon 3 day.
43) If it's Saturday, it must be Typhoon 8 day.
44) You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.
45) You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
46) You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
47) You learnt to bring a coat, a scarf and gloves to fight hypothermia in supermarkets, buses, ferries and cinemas.
48) Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat.
49) You are convinced that the only thing that moves more slowly than continental drift is a Causeway Bay crowd on a Saturday afternoon.
50) You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
51) You bulldoze your way into lifts and MTR trains before other passengers have a chance to alight.
52) If someone smiles at you for no particular reason, you know she is a Filipina.
53) You know that leather shoes can grow leaves during the wet season.
54) The word "wildlife" refers to the family of cockroaches that dwells in your kitchen drawer.
55) You use the word "Ayyiieeaaahh" every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
56) You speak enough Cantonese to make your colleagues laugh their heads off (attempts with anyone else still only draw blank stares).
57) You are not surprised to find footprints on the edge of the toilet bowl.
58) You believe you are really tall when you are only 5'8".
59) You ask people for their salary and actually expect an answer.
60) You start to call other foreigners 'gweilo'.
61) You like to wear your mobile phone along with fancy decorations around your neck.
62) You like to take your sunday afternoon nap in an IKEA showroom.
63) You like to get your luggage from the overhead cabin before the plane has come to a full stand.
64) Your body doesn't need milkproducts anymore.
65) You like to plan your daily agenda at the exit of an escalator.
66) Pollution? What pollution?
67) You can fall asleep anytime and anywhere.
68) At the airport you like to queue up well before boarding starts.
69) You take pictures of your food at the restaurant.
70) You don't need tissues anymore to blow your nose.
71) You eat noodles-in-soup for breakfast.
72) You wear you pijamas when going to the supermarket.
73) You always jump the queue and act surprised that other people line up properly.
74) When eating in a restaurant you behave like you were eating at home.
75) You have absolutley no feeling for traffic regulations.
76) You don't wonder anymore if someone who earns 400 Euros per month can drive a mercedes.
77) You believe everything that is printed in local newspapers.
78) Other foreigners appear strange to you.
79) You consider a dinner at McDonald's or PizzaHut something special.
80) You got used to smoking a cigarette before, after and during a meal.
81) As soon as you leave the house you totally forget the meaning of the 'being considerate'.
82) You try to stay out of the sun at all times and at all costs.
83) You can squat down for the whole day without your heels ever leaving the floor.
84) You are not suprised to see three guys arrive with a ladder to change a lightbulb.
85) You choose your seat freely on an airplane or in a movie theatre and are suprised if someone arrives and asks you to leave the seat.
86) While driving you use your horn more often than your brakes.
87) You consider it normal to tear down old houses for the construction of a new shopping mall.
88) You know that leaving Hong Kong will break your heart.
89) You read this list and understood everything.
take me home [click here]
 

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